


nobody's gonna love you like me

by Donteatthefootcream



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based off a song, Comfort, Crack, Dancing, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Kissing, Light Angst, Light-Hearted, M/M, Murder Husbands, Past Nygmakins, Pigeon rights, Post-Coital Cuddling, Reconciliation, individuality, season five spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-02-08 15:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18625651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donteatthefootcream/pseuds/Donteatthefootcream
Summary: Maybe the reason Ed and Oswald are so in love after everything, including the 10 years incarcerated, is because no one can comfort and understand them as well as they do.





	nobody's gonna love you like me

Engaging with Ed in a partnership is difficult enough, but a romantic relationship is something Oswald has had to get used to. Ed  _always_ getting caught for his schemes, resulting with Oswald staying up all night to break him out...  _again._ Ed pulling wild experiments in their home even when Oswald tells him for the millionth time not to. Ed disappearing for  _weeks_ without a word. He's stressful, probably leading Oswald to an early grave, and sometimes he dreadfully thinks that if Ed were to change he'd be less stressed. 

 

Yet, he could never wish for that. Ed wouldn't be the man he fell for without his quirks and recklessness. 

 

So, here they are sitting in one of Arkham's visitation rooms. The room is lifeless, dark and cold with not even a hit of personality. No wonder Ed looks so strange sitting in front of him with black and white stripes in such a dreary room. At least Ed's smile brightens it up just enough for it to be bearable. 

 

Oswald listens to Ed as he rambles on about the guards' brutality, disgusting food, what fight happened in the past two hours, and how much he appreciated the gifts Oswald sends him. And, he does care about Ed and what he has to say, but he's angry. This is the third time in the past two months. His behavior is getting out of hand. He's simply waiting for Ed give him an opportunity to go on his  _usual_ rant when they're in this room. 

 

"I'm considering making an alliance between the permanent patients and the shady guards. If I'm going to end up being here all the time, I might as well try to gain some protection," Ed shares freely. 

 

"Edward," Oswald says. 

 

Ed hums, meeting his eyes. "Yes, dear?"

 

"This can't keep happening; us in this room discussing the cruelties of this building. We're supposed to be together, not separated by a metal table." Oswald watches as Ed looks away, knowing where this is going. "This isn't even focused on your comfort, Ed. This is  _also_ focused on the stability of our relationship. You disappear without even a text that let's me know you're not  _rotting in a ditch._ And then, the next thing I know, you've landed yourself back in Arkham. It's not  _fair,_ Ed."

 

He actually looks sad, his selfish actions laid in front of him once more. Ed picks at the cuff of his sleeve, letting out a great sigh. "Oswald, I know that I'm a handful. I have no excuse to give you for my behavior. But, whenever I think of something  _great,_ something ambitious, I start doing instead of thinking. It's just me and my puzzles and riddles." With his hands chained to the table, he attempts to reach for Oswald anyway. "I am so deeply sorry, Ozzie."

 

Oswald shakes his head, giving in to reaching across the table to lay his hand over his husband's. "Ed, every time we're in here you say sorry, yet I see  _no_ change. I respect that you get lost in it, but that's no reason to worry me. I can barely sleep at night when you've vanished."

 

Ed sniffs.  _Oh no._ "I'm so selfish, Oswald, I know. I never think before I jump into things. I hardly think about you and how you're feeling." He uses his other hand to rub at his eyes. He's crying and there's nothing Oswald can really do until he's finished. "My actions express that I hold zero care for you, but I-I love you so much. I can't think of a life without you."

 

Oswald hides his face in his hands, attempting to come up with something appropriate at this time. He can't bare to be mad at him anymore, not with Ed crying like this. Ed has never cried before at Oswald's complaints. Maybe it's  _finally_ sinking in. 

 

"Ed," Oswald calls, "I love you too, but there needs to be a compromise. Do you understand that, darling?"

 

Ed nods quickly, "Yes, yes of course. _Anything_."

 

"You have to be contacting me when you disappear. Or, at least explain your plan to me so I have some  _faint_ clue of where you'll be." He squeezes Ed's hand, "I know we're opposites on a lot of things. You're the winter to my summer, yet this can't keep continuing, Ed. I won't be able to handle it soon."

 

"I don't think I can get out of my daze well enough to do that."

 

Oswald closes his eyes, interpreting that sentence like anyone else might.  _There's nothing Ed can do to make this better._ He stands up, removing his hand from Ed's. He can't look at him. He can hear Ed beginning to panic. 

 

"Wh-What are you doing, Oswald?" Ed asks frantically. 

 

"Home, Ed. I'm going home," Oswald answers shortly. 

 

"No!" Ed stands up as well, "No, I can think of something to help. I promise. When I get out we can even work on it together because I can't make a compromise without you." He looks at him, pleading to give him a chance, "Oswald, we've been a team for over a decade."

 

Oswald goes to Ed's side of the table, placing a soft kiss on the tall man's lips. Long enough to cherish it, short enough for the guards not to coming  _rushing_ in. When he pulls away, Ed places a kiss upon Oswald's nose with a light chuckle. 

 

"I'm sorry for never being able to bore you," Ed jokes, gaining a faint smile from his lover. 

 

 

Realistically, no one can love each other as much as they do. It's simply impossible. And, even though they differ plenty of ways on how to do things or how criminal activity should be, nobody could understand them. People don't understand how murder is fun. People don't understand that money comes from bad behavior (performed correctly). And, people can't meet their levels of intellect and ambition like they can. They're made for each other. 

 

"Why?" Oswald asks Ed, exhausted already by the sight before him.

 

The kitchen counters are covered with plates upon plates of cupcakes. Chocolate cupcakes. Vanilla cupcakes. Red velvet cupcakes. It's nine in the morning, yet there must be hundreds of cupcakes littering their kitchen. The only explanation is that Ed must have stayed up all night.  _Great._

 

"Dear, I am so glad you're awake," Ed cheers, moving behind Oswald to wrap his arms around his waist, chin placed delicately on his shoulder. "I've come up with a plan."

 

"A plan for what? To make me bigger than I already am?" 

 

Ed kisses Oswald's cheek, "Stop bringing yourself down; you're beautiful." He grabs his shoulders, moving him to the center of the kitchen. "You know that charity ball coming up? To bring awareness to the health of pigeons or what not?"

 

Oh yes. He tried to forget about that one. "Unfortunately, yes."

 

Ed laughs, kissing him again. "Good. Here me out." He gestures to the cupcakes. "I managed to get my hands on an invitation, so you're going-"

 

"ED-"

 

"The Penguin missing a charity ball about birds? I don't think so, mister." He waves his hand, dismissing Oswald until he's finished. "Bruce Wayne is going as well as every other respected individual in this city. Cat will most likely be his plus one, a perk due to us being on bad terms with the woman as of now. Anyway, these are all poisoned with a special poison I have found in my...  _impressive_ years of being a criminal mastermind. A poison easy to cure, but hard to find-"

 

"Why are we- you killing people at a charity event for  _pigeons_?" 

 

He turns to look at his partner, puzzled. "... because it's fun?"

 

Oswald groans.  _Of course._ "Edward, if we show up and we're not sick like everyone else, they'll know exactly who did it! You're sending us both to jail cells by doing this!"

 

Ed dismisses his worries with a tut. "I know this, Oswald. I've made every piece of evidence lead back to Ivy. The poison is a plant substance. There will be no question about who did it."

 

Although he shakes his head in disbelief, he smiles. "You're ridiculous."

 

He strikes a pose, laughing from glee. "I'm the only Edward Nygma. That's why I'm so fun."

 

"Yes, yes you are." Oswald cups his face, pulling his lips down to his. 

 

Ed smiles during the kiss, pulling Oswald closer by wrapping him up with his long arms. 

 

 

They know the ball is going to be much more entertaining than they thought when walking into the grand, spacious room. Men and women dressed to the nines for  _pigeons._ Oswald glares at the crowd, making a beeline for the refreshments. Ed follows foot, grabbing Oswald's hand to keep up. When they reach the table, Oswald drops Ed's hand to instead place it on Ed's waist, keeping him close. Ed presses to his side, grabbing a large cookie; sort of disappointed that he replaced  _all_ the original cupcakes with his poisoned ones. He should have saved a few for him and Oswald. 

 

They take up residence at one of the tables. Oswald's hand on Ed's thigh as they watch the people around them. People watching is one of their favorite past times at useless events like these. Ed usually comes up with complete and utter bogus stories while Oswald points out which idiots he's been forced to talk to over the past several years. Stories and comments Ed constantly looks forward to; barely allowed to be Oswald's plus one due to how he's a wanted criminal majority of the time.

 

"...He's all surface. Underneath, he's a moron. He shares these ambitious plans of his that have  _so many_ holes it's as if you're watching some poorly written TV show," Oswald complains, pointing at a slender older man currently talking to a young blonde. 

 

"Isn't that every show these days?" Ed inquires. 

 

Oswald snickers. "Yes."

 

And, this continues for most of the evening. Halfway through Oswald must have listed _dozens_ of men whose only talent is to show up to these events and smile. Ed could never be able to pull of the courtesy and charm that Oswald accomplishes for  _hours_ without fail. 

 

"So, basically from what I've picked up is that there's a lot of lame guys out there," Ed concludes, looking at Oswald for approval. 

 

Oswald nods, leaning his elbow onto the table. "The things I do to keep up appearances."

 

"A very fine appearance indeed." Ed winks. 

 

Oswald groans, but his blush still reddens his face. "Could you be a dear and get me a drink?"

 

Ed's already standing, "What do you want?"

 

"Truthfully, anything." He offers Ed a false smile. 

 

Ed kisses the top of Oswald's head, running his hand across his back as he moves away. He maneuvers through the crowd to the table, but some move out of his way with one look at him. It certainly is nice to be recognized. He's waiting at the small bar in the corner of the room when his night takes an interesting turn. 

 

He's correcting the bartender's technique and then asking him questions in the forms of riddles; all to make the man squirm. Once making a name for himself in this city and having it  _stick_ he's decided to see how anxious he can make the citizens. Afterall, they  _all_ know that the incorrect answer to a riddle could lead to death; they usually stay clear at all costs. 

 

"Interesting to see such a vibrant green at an event like this," Someone says to him, gaining his attention. 

 

His head whips around to the see the young blonde from earlier. A genuine smile on her face as she looks at him, her curves pronounced by her deep red dress. She's attractive, a high chance of being taken home tonight. Her smile is warm and so are the green eyes that match her welcoming aura. 

 

"You must be new in town," Ed replies with a smirk. "The bright green? It's sort of my brand."

 

She hums. "So a man with a title then." She leans against the counter, hip jutted. "The name is Sarah."

 

"Here's your drink, sir," The bartender informs him.  _Thank God._

 

"Thank you," Ed thanks him with a smile. He looks back at the woman. "Not that this hasn't been a great conversation, but I'm wanted somewhere."

 

"Married?"

 

His eyes flash to his ring finger. "Yes."

 

The woman-  _no, Sarah_ , places a hand on his arm. "They're lucky then."

 

"Yes very lucky," Ed's saving grace pipes up. 

 

Her hand drops immediately in response to Oswald's comment. She eyes him quickly, her eyes now fearful instead of open and kind. Ed moves to Oswald's side, pushing the drink into Oswald's hands. 

 

"Mr. Penguin!" She greets anxiously. "I've heard so much about you! You see, many gentlemen have told me much about you- all good things, I assure you-"

 

"Yes, I'm sure you've talked to many gentlemen tonight," Oswald replies coldly. "Including my husband. Charming, isn't he?"

 

Her chuckle is fake, eager to appeal to the man in power. "If I had known-"

 

Oswald steps forward, giving Ed back the drink. "Piece of advice." Yes, there is it. The puff of nonexistent feathers, making himself looking bigger and stronger than he actually is. "If there's a ring on their finger,  _don't touch them_."

 

Her nod is instant, showing clear understanding for what Oswald is saying. "Yes, yes of course. My apologies."

 

She runs off before Oswald can do any damage. Oswald turns back to his husband, taking his drink and walking away with Ed in tow. Ed stops him however, stepping in front of him and putting his hands on the shorter man's shoulders. He pecks his husband's lips, seeking the return Oswald's patience. 

 

"This is so boring, Ozzie," Ed admits. "Let's go home. Screw the pigeons!"

 

"I'm going to skin her!" Oswald threatens, gaining a few people's attention. 

 

Ed's lips form a firm line, spinning Oswald towards the exit. He shouldn't have let the women talk to him for so long. Even though he loves Oswald's possessiveness sometimes, this wasn't the place to lash out about it. Oswald has finished the drink by the time they reach the coat room. So much for seeing Selina and Bruce Wayne, or seeing his plan work so brilliantly, but Oswald is more important.  _Always._

 

They're sitting in the car when Oswald ends his silence. Ed understands that after Isabella and then, regrettably Lee Thompkins, Oswald is rather sensitive to women trying their best to appeal to Ed.  _Definitely after being together for over a decade._ Ed would be upset as well. Oswald isn't being unreasonable. 

 

"I'm sorry for tonight, Ed," Oswald apologizes softly, "I know you wanted to watch your cupcake disaster."

 

Ed leans into Oswald, head on his shoulder. Oswald speaking giving Ed the impression that affection is acceptable again. "Don't apologize. I'm happy as long as you're happy."

 

"I shouldn't get so-"

 

"No, don't say it. You have the full right to say I'm yours."

 

He gives out a sigh of defeat, refusing to look Ed in the eye. "It's just- you're you and I'm me. You're the kind of man ladies want. You're handsome, thin, tall, clever, charming, kind, and your smile is contagious. And, then there's me.  _The Penguin_. At first it was simply my nose, hair, and walk. Present day? All of those  _and_ the additional weight. The fact that you're with me out of all people is unbelievable. You can have whoever you wanted, yet you chose me."

 

Oswald's insecurities are horrible. Ed has been there many of times. And, he doesn't mind reminding him of how much he loves him, but it pains him to hear about the nonexistent flaws.  _Oswald is perfect._

 

Ed moves into Oswald's lap, his arms dangling loosely around his neck. Their foreheads pressed against each other, Oswald's eyes closed to avoid eye contact.

 

"I know we're different, Oswald. I'm traditionally what people would find attractive, these days at least, but you? You are unique in shape and appearance. You exert royalty and power. You're brilliant and care for me like no one else would," Ed tells him, "Why fall in love with someone so boring and typical when I could have you? To me, you are perfect. And the people who don't see your perfections? Well, they're not worth your time because they're wrong, dear."

 

His love opens his eyes, blue and green, Ed smiles at the sight. Oswald leans up to catch Ed's lips and Ed ardently reciprocates. His kisses are fierce and loving, pressing himself closer to Oswald and moving his hands up into his hair. 

 

"Ed, I refuse to do  _anything_ in this limo," Oswald breathes against Ed's lips. 

 

"Oh God no!" Ed exclaims, climbing off of his lap. "I wouldn't be able to put out here."

 

 

They're laying in bed hours later, Ed laying upon Oswald's bare chest as he watches the mostly muted TV. Ed nuzzles into Oswald as his fingers run through his hair, comforting Ed in a way only Oswald can. He kisses Oswald's skin, swinging his arm over Oswald to hug him in the easiest way possible. These are the types of moments Ed lives for; the domestic and peaceful bliss of everything. When it's them not being active criminals for once, simply quiet and in love. 

 

"How are you feeling?" Oswald asks. 

 

Ed thinks for a moment, recalling their intimate gestures finished just a few minutes ago. "A bit sore. Nothing to be worried about though," Ed replies, moving just a tad and grimacing at the consequence of his passion, "I think I got a bit excited."

 

Oswald smiles. "More like  _very_ excited."

 

Ed swats his thigh. "Be quiet. You loved every second of it."

 

His lover decides not to reply. He does decide to turn the TV up when he spots Batman in the headline. _Oh joy._

 

Long story short, Batman had gotten there before anyone fell victim to the poison's effects (Ed might have left a trail of crumbs in Ivy's name prior to this evening) and currently the GCPD to trying to find Poison Ivy for questioning. A successful night then for villainy. He's sure Batman will discover it was him soon enough, but he'll take the time has has. And although Ivy will be out for blood for a few weeks, she'll be over it once another Rogue's Gallery get together is scheduled. 

 

"Why did you leave clues?!" Oswald softly demands. 

 

"I-I didn't leave clues," Ed stutters.  _Terrible liar._

 

"Then how did Batman get there before anyone was sick, hmm?" Oswald plants a kiss on Ed's head. "You've always been a horrendous liar."

 

"Leaving clues is what I do, dear."

 

Oswald sighs, pulling Ed impossibly closer. "Yes. Yes it is."

 

And even through every stressful moment Ed puts him through, it's okay. It's okay that Ed leaves clues because he  _has_ to. Or, gets caught up in situations he shouldn't be in because he  _has_ to solve it. That's Edward Nygma and Oswald wouldn't have his husband change for the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> It's so hard not to make a soft future for Ed and Oswald. Okay, the beginning was more angsty than I thought oof. 
> 
> Thank you for enjoying this everyone! It means a lot.


End file.
